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Sometimes, life has a way of chugging along and we get into our little ruts. It isn’t until we take the time to examine our lives and realize that we have set ourselves up in a pattern that we are able to break out of those ruts. Sometimes even though our patterns are not good for us, they become comforting in the fact that it gives us a sense of sameness in our lives.
I just finished reading another Fern Michaels book. One thing I like about her books is that they are about women overcoming incredible circumstances and odds. Each time I finish one, I feel encouraged and mobilized to change my life for the better. However, I am surrounded by people in my life who are content with their ruts and are determined that we should all remain the same.
I want to lose the weight. I know that I desperately need to lose the weight. Yet my sister continues to buy more and more junk food even when I ask her not to. This just feeds into my food addiction. She knows there are certain foods that I can’t pass up because of my addiction. So she searches them out and makes sure we have plenty in the house.
I love her to death, but she doesn’t want to change. She isn’t ready to lose the weight. Her husband definitely isn’t ready. So its this vicious cycle going on. They both eat to excess and I am stuck here wishing that I could get help. I would love someone to go on walks with me since I am not allowed to go by myself yet. If I could get some of this weight off of me, then I would be out of the danger zone. Right now, its too big of a risk for me to do it on my own. The doctor pointed out to me some words printed on one of the EKGs done in the hospital after some chest pain. It said on the print out that there was a possibility of an infarct. This wasn’t something I was aware of. The hospital had kept me over night and said I was fine. So I went home thinking that I probably just had some gas that caused the left sided chest pain.
I know that my sister isn’t doing all this to purposely cause me harm. However, it is causing great harm. And I know that neither of them is willing to get out there and walk with me. I am still sleeping when they leave for work and when I get off from work, they are about ready to go to sleep. I am in desperate need of a walking buddy. However, with the fact that I live so far out west and can’t drive anywhere, that makes it difficult for me.
I wish I could be like Rosie in Pretty Woman by Fern Michaels. I need the strength and courage to stand on my own two feet and get myself some help.
I have been lucky so far this year. I have only been in the hospital once and that was towards the beginning of the year. We are almost out of 2010. If I can make it through with only one hospitalization, then I will be extremely happy.
I will keep trying to eat better, even with all the temptations around me. I just need to find someone to get moving with. I think once I start moving around and seeing some of the weight drop off, then I will be more inspired to continue and the fight will be easier to keep up.
I need supporters instead of enablers surrounding me.