No this post isn’t about soccer. Its about setting goals for life. For the longest time, I have just been floating through life doing basically the same thing day in and day out. I gave up on dreams and setting goals ages ago. I felt that my life was going nowhere and had no purpose. That I was just placed on this planet to be a nuisance to others and to be a burden. I don’t want that for my life. I haven’t wanted that for my life for quite some time. I just never knew where to start or what I wanted.
Well, last night I was reading Dear Emily by Fern Michaels. I know that my life hasn’t been like Emily’s but I felt very much like her anyway. That I was always doing everything for everyone else. That I was the one that was causing all the problems and not everyone else. That I was the stupid one. That I am the fat ugly Emily as she calls herself in the book. I am closing in on my 38th birthday in a few months. I don’t want to wait until I am 40 to turn my life around.
Now that my health is turning in the right direction, I should be able to start losing the weight in small amounts. I can’t push myself to lose in big spurts because it isn’t healthy for normal people and it certainly isn’t healthy for someone with my health issues. I have to learn to be patient with myself and not give up on myself. Its way too easy for me to give up and stop trying then it is for my to risk failure. The only one I am hurting is myself when I do things like that.
I also really want to give writing a try. Usually when I am writing a novel, I give up towards the end because I am afraid to finish it. I just keep thinking over and over “What if it isn’t good?” Well it doesn’t matter if it isn’t good or not. All that matters now is that I finally get one finished.
I don’t want to be one of those people anymore that just fades away into the background. You know those people, a few years after they are out of your life, you say “hey whatever happened to what’s her name?” because I was so forgettable that you can’t even remember my name.
I want to start living life instead of just existing. Now if I can only remember how to live again.
Oh and in case you want to see the cover of the book that started all this life changing, well here it is.
Yes, its a fiction book, but the life lessons in there are great. Its time I took my life back. Its going to be a long hard journey.